“I don’t know. What do you want to watch?”

This is possibly one of the most irksome (strong language, I know) phrases in the English language.
 
If you live with a significant other, a life partner, a spouse or POSSLQ (look it up), there is a high likelihood that one or both of you speak this devil phrase several nights a week. (And by “several,” I mean six or seven.)
 
Why does this phrase bug me so eff-ing much? I’ll tell you: because there are way too many unsaid and unflattering dynamics happening here. In case you haven’t overthought this as I have, allow me to list them down for you.

​1) First, there’s the lazy dynamic. The “I don’t feel like digging through Netflix and Prime and Max and Hulu and, and, and, to find something new and compelling.” Which, admittedly often feels like standing in front of the refrigerator with the door open, hoping something exciting will magically appear on a shelf. “What? Caviar and crema? Thank you, Refrigerator Fairy!”
 
No. The lazy dynamic whines, “I don’t want to move. Look what a comfortable position I’m in on the sofa. It’s so comfortable. See how the throw blanket is tucked delightfully beneath my feet. It’s so perfect. If I reach for the remote, I’ll never get this position back. You do it.” But again, all that got said aloud was, “I don’t know. What do you want to watch?”
 
2) Then there’s the dynamic of “My time is worth more than your time.” This is the dynamic that says, “I’m too busy to read through all the descriptions and watch endless trailers, which BTW contain all the plot twists and ruin the movie. I can’t be bothered deciphering what’s worth 120 minutes of my precious time. And that 120 minutes doesn’t include the extra 20 minutes of, ‘Well, then you look for something!’ time.”
 
No, this dynamic dumps all that fun right into the partner’s lap--the person to whom you publicly declared your love in front of family, friends, God and everybody, including some guy still lingering from the previous wedding. (There might be cake.) Perhaps wedding vows should include something about documentaries versus cop-dramas.
 
3) Next up, the “You’re the difficult one” dynamic. This is the dynamic that says, “Hey, we have all of those movies and series on our list and you never want to watch any of them.” No, I don’t. Want to know why? Because you put all of those shows there. I don’t want to watch yet another slow-paced epic about espionage in 1950s Soviet bloc Hungary that ends with someone inconclusively walking away into the mist. Yes. I am soooo difficult.
 
4) Lastly, the passive aggressive dynamic. This is the dynamic that secretly whsipers, You pick and let’s see if you put your needs before mine. (And yes, Moonstruck is a need.) This is perhaps the trickiest dynamic because it’s really a test. The question being asked is, “How much do you love me?” My answer is often, “I love you so much that to prove it, I’m about to demonstrate how our relationship is strong enough to survive another Cher movie.”

SIDE NOTE: This dynamic is quite different if you’re living with a sibling. To a sibling you can say, “I’m not watching that shit. We’re watching The Complete History of Pie so I can dream about cobbler.”
 
Here’s what we (Mr. Parker and I) can agree on. There will be no Bachelors, Bachelorettes, no Love Island, no Deal or No Deal Island, pretty much nothing on an Island, no contests (except Chopped), no remakes of movies that were perfectly good the first time around, nothing with Zendaya.  
 
So, we mostly agree on what we don’t want to watch. Which ultimately doesn’t answer the big question, “What do you want to watch,” but it puts us back on the same side. Which, one might argue, answers the bigger question:
 
“So, what do you want to watch?”
 
Cheers and stay careful-ish,
Honey Parker